Frustrated !!!!

First of all .. the good news ... I'm down 42 pounds in just over 4 months. That's an average of 10 pounds per month and 2.6 pounds per week. Not to shabby if you ask me.
HOWEVER ... I'm still having trouble keeping food down. More than ONE bite and I get bounce back. Not pleasant. I had my last adjustment in July. Since then, I've had to learn to stomach my protein drink .. whether I like it or not.
I just want to go, sit, have a decent HEALTHY meal ... and not have to make a trip to the bathroom. I miss veggies. I miss solid food. I miss meat !!!

I knew it would be this way ... to some extent. In 2 days, I haven't been able to keep down anything. The chicken I ate for dinner last night ... came up this morning when I tried to eat about an inch off a banana.

I'm frustrated.

Then there's the adoption. 3 years and still waiting. I'm not having a breakdown, I'm just angry. I'm angry that my wait has been 3 years. I'm angry that China has closed to singles and those willing and able to adopt can't. I'm angry that as of LAST FRIDAY (8-28-09) the CCAA issued a notice stating that singles will not be approved to adopt a waiting child.

I'm REALLY frustrated and maybe a bit overwhelmed.

Let me say this once more ... I am in this adoption ... for the long haul ... and that could possibly be July 2012 ... 3 more years..BUT, my heart is in China, I am financially and more importantly emotionally invested in this adoption. God holds the gift of a child for me in His hands. It is in His time.

HOWEVER , it is another 3 years that my life has to be on "hold".

I can pursue an adoption thru another country ... but then that child would have to be in my home a year before I could complete my China adoption.

I could get pregnant ... oh wait ... there 's no husband ... there's no donor ... and with lap-band I have to wait 2 years to be considered healthy enough.

I can meet Mr. Right. I can fall in love. I can't get married ... that would change my status with CCAA. I'd have to re-qualify under new regulations ... and so would the Mr. Right .. not to mention I'd have to be married 2 years first.

Providing I meet Mr. Right ... he couldn't just move in ... 1) I don't believe in living together and 2) I'd have to renew my homestudy, and get Mr.Right to pass the FBI background checks and Arkansas won't allow you to foster a child, or adopt, if you are single and co-habitating.

REALITY CHECK !!!!!!! I am human ... I get frustrated, aggitated, irritated, and down right angry !!!!

BUT ...
God has led me this far.
He has opened the doors He wants me to go thru.
Sometimes, I try to take control, and when I do, He somehow reminds me that
HE is in control ... Not me.
God keeps his promises.
God NEVER fails.
He has led me this far, and He will see me thru.
There is a child being created by His loving hands.
He is molding her and shaping her.
When HE has her ready for me, He will breathe life into her body.
He will guard her and protect her until she can be placed in my arms.
God's time ... not mine.

"For faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen."