Long week

Well, this has been a VERY LONG....VERY STRESSFUL week.

It started out with ending a relationship with a "friend" of 11 years. It was very difficult, but unfortunately ... it was the right thing to do. It is never easy to end a friendship, but sometimes it is for the best. I don't want to harbor any bad attitudes towards this person ... even though some say I have the right. I pray that God helps me forgive, and in time forget.

THEN I celebrated 19 months of waiting. On one hand, it seems as if yesterday I was compiling my dossier. Now here I am 19 months later ... still waiting. Most days, I just try not to dwell on how long the wait is. HOWEVER, not a day goes by that I don't wonder if my baby has been born. I wonder if she is safe and warm. I pray that she is healthy, and loved.

Thursday of this week was GREAT. I got to babysit for my friend Melissa. Her little angel ... Susannah was just the dose of medicine I needed. She reminded me why I'm adopting to start with. I WANT TO BE A MOM !!!!!!!! Her smiles and hugs and her laughter ... well ... it was contagious. She made my heart feel light ... in spite of the stress of the week. We played pretend with stacking/nesting blocks that turned into symbols, rocket ships and presents. We watched Dora. We ate strawberries. IT WAS GREAT.

Then Friday, I worked all day. After work, I got to hang out with my little friend Kaleigh. Her mom and dad had tickets to the NCAA tournament here at Alltell Arena. So, I got to babysit again. My mom and dad had to help out too. Since I didn't get off work until 7, and the game started at 6 ... they kept Kaleigh until I got off work. We all had such a good time playing, they stayed until almost 10:30 pm. Kaleigh was so sweet. She calls me "Mammy" ... instead of Kammy ... which ends up sounding like "Mommy". . . it is funny trying to figure out whether she is talking to her Momma or Me ... Mammy. ANYWAY .... when she got tired, she picked up all of her toys ... all by herself ...without being told. She laid down in the floor on her "Pooh" pillow, and I rubbed her back until she fell asleep. When I tried to pick her up and carry her to bed, she saw Poppy (my Daddy) and wanted to rock. He rocked her back to sleep. I finally got her carried upstairs. I sat down in the rocker in her room and just held her a little while with her sleeping. I can't wait to hold Mari-Grace in my arms....to smell her hair .... to feel her soft skin ... ahhhh ....babies .... what would life be without them.

I have a secret. SHHHH ... don't tell my friends. They think I am helping them by babysitting when the need a sitter. Really ... I am being selfish. Their kids help me get thru this interminable (is that a word ???) wait. Every one of their smiles, their little hands holding mine, their laughs, their hugs ... that is what gets me thru. People ask me how I am handling the wait. Well, as long as my friends are their to share their angels with me ... I think I'll make it.