28 & 1/2 months

It has been 28 & 1/2 months since LID. On New Year's Eve, my friend Rich (who has 2 beautiful chinese daughters) looked at me, and out of the blue says ... "28 Months ... I'm impressed ... no breakdowns".

I have tried so hard to remain positive. I have tried so hard to be inspirational to others. I have not had any major breakdowns ... BUT ... it is getting harder.
I will admit that there are days that I don't want to talk about the adoption. There are days that I don't want my customers at the pharmacy to ask if I have heard anything. There are days that I want to SHOUT ... "YES ... I'M STILL WAITING and NO .... I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING!!!!"

I have worked at the same place for 18 years. I started as a clerk, worked thru college and pharmacy school, and then signed on full time as a pharmacist after graduation. I have been a pharmacist with this company for 12 &1/2 years. My customers have watched me go from a dorky high school senior to a well rounded, successful adult. I feel that they are a part of my extended family .... and many I have known since childhood thru church activities.

My customers at the pharmacy are so supportive. Everytime I go on vacation, they ask if I'm in China.
I really thought I'd have more customers that were hesitant to embrace a Chinese child, and me adopting as a single girl. I really thought that when I started the process, and told them what I was doing, I'd have more negative comments. The only negative comment I've had was from a 93 year old man who lived thru WWII and the negativity against asians that was experienced in this country at that time. Even he is supportive now.

Each time someone asks me about the process, and where things stand ... it amazes me that they all end with ... "I'm praying for your patience, and I'm praying that things hurry along."

THE SUPPORT OF MY CUSTOMERS AND STATEMENTS LIKE THAT ARE KEEPING ME FROM BREAKING DOWN!!!!!!!!

Do I have hard days ... yes. Sometimes I look in Mari-Grace's room and think .. how much longer will it be empty. Sometimes I look at her little clothes and think ... my these are just wasting away just sitting here, will she wear them soon ??? Sometimes holding one of my little buddies, I wonder how much longer my arms will be empty. Sometimes when I talk about the adoption, and how long I've waited and how long I have to wait, I tear up. Sometimes when I have an FCC event ... I think it's just too hard.

Christmas was really hard this year. Besides being sick, I couldn't help but wonder ... is this my last year without Mari-Grace ???
Each time a friend gets a referral, or comes home with their angel ... I admit ... I get a bit jealous.
BUT ... my friends let me love their babies.
There isn't a week that goes by that I don't see 2 or 3 or 4 of my little buddies. The girls are so inspiring.

I hear funny stories about Savannah and Anna-Marie, and laugh. I wonder what stories I'll tell about Mari-Grace.
Kaleigh B. calls me her buddy. She tells me she loves me and gives me hugs and kisses.
Maggie G. always has to hug me when she leaves or I leave. She wants me to play with her.
Kennedi G. runs to me to give hugs ... and knows that I'll let her do pretty much what she wants.
Susanna C. sings to me, and invites me to play play dough.

Every smile ... every hug ... every laugh ... every kiss ... every picture ... every piece of art reminds me that my wait is SOOOO WORTH IT !!!!!

This is how I'm getting thru it. LOTS OF PRAYERS .... LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES .... LOTS OF SMILES.